It is late evening on an unremarkable Monday and I feel nostalgia filling me up, starting with my toes and working its way as high as my palms resting on the keyboard.
Autumn always leaves me with this feeling of being in between everything. The coolness in the shade and then the warmth of the sun on my back flips me back and forth from remembering to longing.
Something about this weather makes me think of so many fragile memories which are almost intangible in my mind. I was thinking of one night in high school where for some reason we were at school after dark and this boy I liked lent me his coat, it smelled like him and it was warm and too large for me. I felt cocooned in his scent, and elated by the thought that maybe he likes me. My body was so warm while my eyes were chilled by the night air.
I also remember riding our bikes fast down a hill with a best friend, the heat of the day still coming off the tarmac but the wind breezing past my ears was so cold and in front of me I could see the back of her blond head and the goosebumps standing high on my arms.
Later I was standing on Lion's Head with the city beneath me, the sun was just leaving and the shadow of the mountain was cold. I felt beautiful because of the way my future husband was looking at me.
Sitting on a porch playing cards even though our hands were freezing, blowing and sitting on them between rounds, refusing to allow that it was too chilly to be outside in the day any longer. Looking forward to hot apple cider that makes a mess all over the stove and fills the house with the smell of cinnamon.
not sure where this post is going anymore... just musing on spots in time where I felt the same as I do now, warm and chilled at the same time, with a feeling of tickling happiness low in my belly.