The case against tight jeans

Today I had a squirrel in my trousers.

The chap who had the house before us was one of those people who thinks it's cute to feed wild animals. This included vervet monkeys, hornbills and a tree squirrel. The latter let me know earlier in the week that he should be admitted through the kitchen windows into the kitchen by tapping on the windows. When I denied him his entry he took it upon himself and has been coming in through any open entrance to the house. I have been keeping everything closed up except for the room we are in but today the maid opened the windows in the kitchen and then proceeded with her work in the rest of the house.

So I walked in on the little rotter digging through the trashcan and instead of exiting through the windows he ran for the first dark place he saw; my pantleg. He went straight up my calf, around my knee, where he had some difficulty, then up the back of my thigh, over my butt, up my t-shirt and out my sleeve. Leaving a trail of scratches, but thankfully no bites. All the while I was screaming my head off and leaping around trying to get my button and zip undone.

Thank goodness I a) have lost a little weight due to the lack of ice-cream, pizza and Chinese food and b) have been wearing the same trousers for four days so the blighter could make it up, up and over to escape finally out the back door between K's startled feet. I can't imagine what would have happened if he had encountered elastic, or a belt at the waistline.

It has taken me all day to recover from the fright and I am glaring pointedly out the windows at any and all squirrels. But I think he probably received as big a shock as I did and will not be back for a while. When he does return however, we will be ready for him. With a live trap so we can take him far, far, far away.

I also live in fear of the return of the vervet monkeys. Imagine one of THOSE in your trousers!